Love – By Marcelo Pakman

This post is also available in: Spanish


There is a moment in which you talk about love and you state that it is “a scandal”, for reason, of course.

There are lots of books about love that explain what it is from different perspectives. There is a worry about love, about finding the way to handcuff it. To control it. Precisely because it’s a scandal. The need for nothing to escape the method, which was also the need of the aesthetic discipline to tame art, can be noticed particularly well in the case of love. In marriages people say very interesting things, because they are like little doors towards undetermined aspects, which are the ones I look for in psychotherapy, because they are the ones which depart from the method, with universality. In the rites of marriage the officer always asks whether there is someone who opposes the union and that, if they do, they should “speak now or forever hold their peace.” It’s fascinating. Why do they ask that? They do because there’s always someone who is against it. And that’s fantastic. Marriages are totally ritualized: there’s a whole industry, from the organizing of the party to the clothing, even the psychological preparation. Everything is determined. But there are always those strange elements which are difficult to manage and which are part of the human process, which becomes much more complex when sexuality is involved, as in the case of love. When in couples therapy, which I conducted for a while, I used to start by asking: “did you get married?” “Yes.” “And, in the wedding, did they ask whether there was somebody against it?” “Yes.” “And was there somebody who was?” “Yes, of course.” Nobody ever said no. And what happened to the person who was against it? Why were they against it? And here the story is fascinating, because it doesn’t enter the ritual of how things ought to be at all.

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